To begin the five myths of fatherhood… note that they are not in any significant order. Just thoughts based my feelings, opinions and research!
Myth # 1:
Newborns don’t really need their Father’s!
Sure babies need their mommies for breastfeeding, but at the end of the day, just like your partner, you’re needed for everything else! You can be a source of comfort for your newborn. Take advantage of those moments when your baby could really use a cuddle, a rock, a lullabye. Best time for this? After mommy has fed baby – baby is happy, and mommy wants a break!
Another great way for daddy to feel like you’re needed to your newborn, try feeding her yourself. If your wifey is happy with pumping, then have a few bottles ready, and feed your darling baby in your big arms once in a while! Or schedule it so it becomes something you all look forward to! Again, baby will be happy, and mommy will get a break!
Everything you do with a newborn is a chance for bonding. Moments on the change table, bed time, play time, feeding time, bath time and cuddle time. Try it all!
Check out this great article I read about what a Father is to a Newborn! Daddy&Baby
…What do you think moms and dads? Is mom or dad “more important” to a newborn baby? What ways can you help dad feel “needed”?
Dads: How did you feel when your precious baby came into your world?
- Jamie
I believe the dad is most important. Moms are all well and good but I think the dad is really the important one here. Although we don’t supply milk, we do a lot of other things like rocking babies to sleep and often times the mom isn’t strong enough with her arms as I find men to be much more muscular in most cases. There are exceptions to this though as some females are quite muscular like the actress who played Sara Connor in Terminator 2. She was ripped! Clearly would have no issues with rocking but at the same time, her son (John Connor) seemed to have a lot of issues although he did eventually grow to be a great leader, I think this had more to do with the influence of Arnold’s Terminator which provided him with the needed male influence that he lacked until his teen years. Moms are good too though don’t get me wrong
This is an interesting concept – that dads aren’t important to newborns. And I am sure there are ppl out there who believe it.
In my case, my husband played a crucial role when our first was born. I had many complications, and was basically bedwritten for several weeks. Not only did he have to play a major role in our son’s first few weeks of life, but it was also a crucial role for me! I couldn’t have managed on my own. And he had to spend lots of time with our son. He fed, played, rocked, changed and bathed him every day! He played a very important role and was very necessary to the welbeing of our newborn. And he learned from it. He was like that with our 2nd child, by choice!
I like the above comment from Ashley as I had a similar situation! I had some complications as well and my hubby had to help me with everything and therefore was also changing and feeding our daughter on a regular basis and emotionally and physically had to help me with breastfeeding, getting up and down in the night. Rachel was so very lucky to have a dad that played a very active, regular role in her new life!!
But for those out there who were fortunate enough to NOT have complications — what did you do to make Dad feel needed? Dads: what kind of role did YOU play in the 1st months of your son or daughters life?
-Love Jamie
3 ways I think my husband has been made to feel like SUPER Dad!!!
1. At our house Daddy has always been responsible for bathtime. Daddy might not always remember to wash behind N’s ears, but the screaming of laughter and sounds of slpashing that comes out of the bathroom is heartwarming. Dad feels pretty special too!
2. Saturday OR Sunday morning duty! I get to sleep in and Daddy hung out with N. They usually have scrambled eggs and toast together and then play and take a walk. By the time they get back I am refreshed and ready for the day!!
3. Finally, grocery shopping!! My husband feels very proud showing off N as he cruises the grocery isles AND gets that weekly chore out of the way.
I think the bottom line is that baby needs positive people in his life whether it be Mommy alone, Daddy alone, Mommy and Daddy together or situations where there are two Mommies or two Daddies… everyone needs to commit to share and show love to this incredible new life!
The first few weeks at home with our little guy was such a change in lifestyle that we were used to and as new parents of course didn’t know what to expect.
Although the breastfeeding started off well and my little one was a natural, there were times that consisted of cluster feedings and late night/early morning feeds which did not allow me to get any rest and was very stressful at times. My hubby was there at the end of the feedings to take over and deal with our gassy cranky baby and rock him to sleep. I also made sure that we had a bottle handy and ready to go so that Daddy could be a part of feeding time not only for G’s benefit but for Dad to feel needed and experience that feeling for himself.
There were many moments of bonding between the two of them (a bond that Mom cannot compete with) and we soon came to realize that G’s favourite place to sleep was Daddy’s chest. Some days all he wanted was Daddy and that would be the only way to calm him. Now, as soon as Daddy walks through the door from work I swear you will never see a bigger smile than the one of G’s little face.
A different umbilical cord that binds the entire family….
The umbilical cord has been cut, bringing to an end the physical connection between the new mom and the newborn. But, along with the birth of the baby, it’s also time to celebrate the birth of a new bond – invisible and very strong , the emotional-and-psychological bond between mom and baby. Where is the father here?! He cannot boast of any of these bonds. Does that mean he is nowhere in the picture during the birth of the baby and immediately after that? Well, not really. Right from boosting the morale of the mom-to-be in the delivery room waiting for the big moment to supporting the mother in baby-care, the father is there.
To talk about my own experience, my husband was the pillar after my son’s arrival to the world. Suffering from colic, my first-born routinely cried and screamed, turning red, as I clenched my fingers and thought hard if there was anything we could do to alleviate his pain, tormenting me every time his face was racked with pain. It was my husband who began taking us out in the car, baby and me, driving round and round the neighbourhood during those times (colic pains visited our son mostly after sundown) and miraculously the crying would stop, providing the much-needed relief to my frayed nerves! All thanks to Internet where he had searched to come up with such novel ways of handling colic attacks. And when within a week, our little Advaita was found to have dust allergy with even the cotton mattress inducing severe cough, it was the father again who sat sealing the mattress inside a plastic cover with stitches all along the border, till the wee hours of the morning, I supplying with only little help, intermittently.
The new father, delirious with happiness, would definitely have loved to lend a hand in the regular baby-care matters like feeding and preparing his feeds (Advaita could not suck properly initially and often ended up being half-fed by me), only if he had got paternity leave. My husband made up though by religiously dedicating the evenings to baby-sitting no matter how tired he was after the long drive from his office through traffic-congested roads.
When my daughter was born, the born-again father was now a much busier man, but managed to give me enough support at the hospital and once again, after a gap of six years, devote the evenings to the new baby with the same, familiar dedication. And this time he even played a mother to our son (who felt more left out than thrilled with the arrival of a sibling) by taking him out and treating him to zoo visits and restaurant food just the way I used to before I got heavily pregnant with our little Diya. Well, that was definitely a big leap from the times of my mother-in-law whose husband visited her at the hospital two days after their first child was born, lest he earned the label of ‘a too-doting father’ from their neighbours!
When a baby arrives, a father is needed as much as a mother is – not only for the baby but also for the new mom who too needs to adjust to her new life as much as the baby needs, in fact even faster. With his love and affection and enthusiasm, my children’s father had bound himself with the rest of his family with a different kind of umbilical cord – this too invisible and very strong!